Holidays can bring a difficult time for step and blended families. Children who are getting ready to leave for the holidays often get “wound up” for a few days before their exit.  The emotions can run from nervousness about the change, to excitement of seeing their other family, to sorrow for leaving their local friends during a holiday. Add candy, schedule changes and the stress of a holiday, Christmas and other holidays can simply become a mess.
Our children are teenaged now, they spend Christmas with their family out of state.  For our son that is a  “whoo hooo” more hunting time kind of excitement, but our daughter enters the season with more mixed emotions. She loves her dad and stepmom, but she wants to participate in all the events she has worked hard for here as well….and the calendar doesn’t allow for both.
Each family has so much to give to our children we want them to be a part of both of us. While allowing my children to be away each Christmas is not a legal requirement, it became clear to me early on ten years ago, that I have my children almost every.day.of.the.year and their father has time off at Christmas and summers. Their family has a huge gathering, while my extended family doesn’t gather at Christmas. It became clear that it made more sense for them to be there at Christmas.  We spend time as a family doing Christmas things together before the 18th when they leave.
Over the years we have made our own Christmas traditions:
Going to see the Christmas lights with Hot Chocolate and thermos in tow
Making Gingerbread houses with all of us…

A movie day together

A trip to a friend’s farm
Christmas tree shopping together
 
We work on activities to “be together” “doing together” and spending time talking and having an activity to talk about, most of them inexpensive, but requiring time together…..and then as the 18th approaches, we wind down….allow our children to have slower, calmer days so they will be well rested and ready for the busy week at their natural dad’s.
Both the two days before and the two days after a holiday transfer we plan for the “toxic” days of mixed emotions, change, and exhaustion. The children need this patience and love from us, and we need them to have the opportunity to make the transition between homes calmly and have the time to process the change of households and the grieving that goes on both ways of not having all of us all the time.
Have a Merry Christmas ….may your step and blended family days be peaceful and full of joy.
Sweetie

P.S.  Date nights are as important during the holiday time as any other, find time for a quiet night out, a stroll together to see the lights, we’ve even simply bundled up and taken hot chocolate round our neighborhood to remind ourselves that our relationship is as important as all the other relationships that crowd the holidays…take time to nurture yours…..even if that means time on your own…single parents matter too!