A Joyful Place Called Home » God

ReMarriage Primer: Lesson One

Sweetie! — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 10:30:00 +0000

The world of remarriage is very much is like entering an alternate world that most of us have no preparation for succeeding in…..if you enter a remarriage with children, about the time you say finish saying “I do” you may feel as though you’ve found and entered Alice in Wonderland’s Rabbit Hole and wish you’d said “I don’t”….but we’re here now and let’s decide right now that we’re going to defeat the evil Queen of despair and make something new happen!

….perhaps you are now on a remarriage cruise that seems very different than the happily ever after honeymoon and fairy tale you signed up for. After all, they sent you the ticket that said “You WIN!” and you have had a really exciting time finding your new love. Wasn’t the hardest part finding someone to share this life with? …No?????… You’ve gotten the license, found a minister or justice of the peace, and done the deed…now you’re all set for the happily ever after part right? Here you are all dressed up for the Honeymoon Cruise and you’ve successfully climbed up the big remarriage boat’s gangplank… The first reality of your trip is that the cruise liner you thought you booked passage on, takes on water that need to be bucketed out first….buckets of your pasts….buckets of past failures…buckets of conflict…buckets of new issues …buckets of conflicts that you are two different people making one life together….. All these you need to resolve but yout you couldn’t see them with your rose colored glasses on. Darn, you knew you should not have only packed “dry clean only” outfits! This cruise is going to take rolling up your sleeves to remove some buckets of the past before the remarriage you have dreamed of can sail!

Fact: God is God, Almighty, Savior, Redeemer, Restorer, Jehovah, the Healer, the Comforter, the King of Kings. etc.

More often than not your heart has been broken, you have fallen into the Satan’s hall of fame for shame, pain, or belief that you are unlovable, unforgivable. Before you could have imagined that you can trade in your last marriage experience for happily ever after. Instead you are taking into the new marriage who you were in the past marriage or you’re marrying someone who is…. You’ve got some heart work to do, and the only heart mender who is all knowing, all powerful, and all merciful….is God.

Rule One: God loves you. No matter what you have done, what you feel or don’t feel…that fact never changes. He is willing to meet you and your spouse where you are, together or alone. His omniscience is free for the asking, available, and you were created for a relationship dependent upon Him…..He has a manual for your life, the Bible, a personal concierge service for your heart and life’s paths, and most importantly a fee for His services that guarantees He will not overburden you as his child, He loves you!….. You simply have to believe in Him, believe that His son Jesus, died on the cross to take away the punishment price of your shame, guilt, and mistakes, so that Jesus could send the Holy Spirit within your heart to lead you , guide you, and comfort you to know what to do each moment in your daily walk….. God promises to never allow you to be tempted to do wrong more than He will give you grace to overcome…and forgiveness and wisdom for the repairing of your life when you mess up if you simply take your problems to Him, confess them, and obey His word. For most of us, simply choosing to believe and obey God will love us, despite us, our past, and our present…is the hardest part!

One of the first things you may be interested in knowing as you enter the rabbit hole of Step Family and Blended family remarriage is that there is no “one” way to do it. In fact, your remarriage’s survival is dependent upon the very fact that to allow God to heal the wounds that are within you, your spouse, and your children and extended family, there’s going to have to be room in your marriage for a whole lotta God’s love, His grace, and forgiveness working through your lives….and many creative ways to build new inroads of trust and love to your family member’s hurt hearts. You will learn to create boundaries in your life that work for you and your family…. Meanwhile you will learn to face sometimes impossible situations and solve them in love so you can create together, a peaceful place called home.

God is God….allow Him to be your God and the God of your remarriage!

The Best Made Plans….

Sweetie! — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:13:00 +0000

After our move, inactivity (and reproducing laundry piles) just about kept me depressed from Dec to April. I am an active girl, I usually have my activity brushes in about 12 pots of color at a time: homeschooling, church, praise team, studies, volunteering with children, working with young teens and adults….well you get the picture. After moving there was a sudden lull that lasted for months. Yes I went to newcomers meetings, to church, to this and to that….but the more I tried, the less I fit. God seemed to be saying “no” to whatever I prayed about doing. When I cried for friends He would quietly say “I am all you need, come closer” When I would sqeal that I couldn’t stand the walls of the house ANY longer He said “Learn to be content in all things” Pretty humbling and pretty frustrating for the girl who likes to make a plan and do it. It was a time of rest, of restructuring, of preparing apparently and I tried to be obedient to the direction. By April, though, it was flat not fun anymore. I can so see now, in June, when the whole world around me is spinning on two axis that He had that planned slow time in place for a reason. I would need to be fresh to face all that this summer has brought. There are still a lot of days when I simply wish He’d ask to see my datebook and we could get on the same page… (nah….I’m not still struggling with that “who’s in charge thing….not me…..why would you think that????? lol)

God is God and He is good.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

A Luncheon for Three

Sweetie! — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:48:00 +0000

Why is it I don’t do luncheons more often? (it could be my fear of the health department closing down my teenager used kitchen) You know you convince yourself a hundred different ways to Friday why you shouldn’t…..or can’t….or how much trouble it would be……you’re just sure you’re not going to get it done but ultimately you do, you enjoy the journey of the preparations…..and have such a good time visiting with your friend(s)…

Today’s final menu was:

Chicken salad with grapes, almonds and celery on Croissants
Marinated cucumber bits with onion
Triple mac and cheese
and for dessert: Blueberry lemon muffins with fruit and whipped creme
(the lemon bars totally didn’t turn out, so a quick change of plans)

Isn’t it always so good to learn and share with a new friend. I know we probably wore cute youth director’s ears off, but we’re so glad she came! God is good and we’re glad He sent her to our house today.
Living the life I imagined I wanted mine to be….that’s my goal this year….taking time to grow into something lovely…..the kind of person I wanted to be when I grew up…..well, as my mother Anne said, “If you’re ever going to be her…….you might as well start practicing today. “

So we did.

Miss Madison and I had the house tamed in an hour and a half….the aroma of homemade muffins filled the air after a false start with the lemon bars….we won’t go into that disaster, but it didn’t take long to have everything done….with time to spare. We began our luncheon affair at 11:30 and two hours later, I think a good time was had by all……we grew a little closer to our youth director at church and began a new journey together…..of friendship.

Unexpected Gifts

Sweetie! — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:18:00 +0000

Hydrangeas remind me of my wedding day, and many childhood days where they were brought in for the table at my Grandmother Geddie’s home. Large blue hydrangeas surrounded her Dossie Mae, the weekend summer cottage and pink ones were in her back yard on Clifton Street. They were always full and happy plants and ripe for granddaughters to bring inside without being fussed at for cutting flowers. When Dh and I married, my flowers came from my mother’s Sunday School class yards….they are Southern gardeners and I was given literally five gallon buckets of roses, lillies and hydrangeas as well as white lace flowers to decorate the historic home we were married in. A dear friend and I made bouquets, put them in centerpieces and enjoyed the morning of the wedding making the beautiful home full of fragrance.

For two years I have tried to grow hydrangeas in Arkansas. We first bought them from a nursery and on sale….they did beautifully right up until the neighbor’s dog decided he loved the taste of them……ate the whole plant and pulled out the roots.

The second round didn’t go much better. The spring floods in Arkansas came and the roots simply couldn’t handle the water.

When we moved to Alabama, I so hoped we could find some bushes to buy. We went to several of the plant stores and they had none. My yard is small and planted by someone else so imagine my excitement when I found not one but three thriving plants on the side of the house this week. They had been cut back and ground level for the winter….but in this week’s sun they had grown to be 2 feet already! …and those stems up from the ground turned into pink and white roses….my favorite! One of the gifts of this house has been its previous owner was a perennial and rose lover. These last few weeks have taken us from an empty yard, full of emptiness to one rich with many kinds of blooms….

I kinda feel like that right now…..that this winter I was empty of God’s richness…. I realized I was dormant. I wasn’t digging in the Word and allowing His light to warm me and to help me grow. The last few weeks as I have spent more time in the Word….I feel He is growing me too……and hopefully in a way that will bloom lovely to be shared with others. I am definately having to weed the garden of discontent as it comes forth in my day. I am learning to take out those thoughts and actions that hinder peace, joy, and contentment. (do you know how hard lazy is to dig out of my garden?) The weeds are sometimes very tough, I have to dig down to find their root…..they grow back easily if I don’t get every piece of that root uncovered.

All of us have so much within us that God is just waiting to bring forth……these spiritual gifts are not planted in us to stay but to grow and give away to others…..

It’s a beautiful day in Alabama….one in which it is easy to think of the blessings I receive daily….so for this moment I will see what I can do to bloom where I am planted, which at the moment is a messy house much in need of attention by that trusted one house servant of mine……where is that lazy girl? (oops she’s still on the computer writing to you)

Roses shared from our yard in Arkansas
for my stepmother’s bouquet
for her wedding to my father.

And the Coach said…

Sweetie! — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:27:00 +0000

Last night our first baseball game didn’t go so well. The boys didn’t have the experience to know what to do in tight situations….the bases were loaded, it looked to be going well, then through several poor choices in a row we were out in one triple play. The evening was filled with such things, the boys getting to the tight place….and not knowing what to do. They were sad, dejected and disgusted at the end of the game.
Coach called them round and first of all said “you and you and you…(pointing) you played better than I’ve ever seen, you didn’t flinch and you caught the ball” “you and you….did you see them get that ball to the plate?” “You there….great fielding” “I want you to know I failed you as a coach, you see at 14 I thought you’d know the game.” and then went on to ask a few specific questions of what do you do when to which none of the boys knew answers. He explained that not knowing how the game is run is as important as batting, catching practice they had done all week, he had assumed they knew that so he didn’t go over it with them….he had focused on their hitting, catching and fielding….He went on to explain that this week they’d know much more about where to take decisions moments in their game….
Isn’t that what our lives are about, not the how well do we clean house, budget, do our job at work or mother…..but where to take the decision moments of our life. What to do to win the race? I can practice all day long on how to make my budget work….but if I do not tithe, depend on God for my provision, all the practice in the world won’t fix my wagon. When life’s stresses come my way, it doesn’t matter if I know how to walk to relieve stress, or write to help relieve it….but if I learn to take it to God I don’t have to carry it anymore. Homerun.
My decision moments lately have been tough….I’ve had to rely on God more than I’ve ever wanted to…(now tell me the truth, isn’t that ridiculous to not want to rely on God Almighty, Creator and Most High?) His promises are true, proven in my life, and real…..yet I so very often rely on Shanna, Queen Mother of the Messy Children, Creator of Messy Homes. Every time I stop to learn the game, to actually read God’s Word as I should I learn the rules again….and I know that I don’t have to panic, I don’t have to worry, I don’t have to fear….I can rely on Him through the knowledge of His Word….
On the days when we are disgusted, dejected and disappointed in ourselves or our performance isn’t it usually true for you that its most likely when you’ve been focusing on your own actions or lack thereof, not on God’s promises and my faith in Him? I know for me that’s true….for when I focus on God and His promises and relearn my beliefs and His ways….the my day’s focus and performance is much different..there is hope, there is peace and there is joy in living the life he gave me.
Be blessed this day, spend time relearning your life’s race rules….open your Bible and be restored!

Proverbs 3
1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,
2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.
3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.